The 101 Ways

[Dante]

okie dokie, for those of you who love Harry Potter and surf mugglenet.com enough, this'll all look familiar. No offense to Roy, it's just that his character is the most fun to poke fun at.

Anyways, *clears throat* Here it is:

101 Ways to Annoy, Harass, Confuse or Generally Scare Col. Mustang
(Sure-fire ways to get yourself killed)
[or at least torched round the block and back again]

((I will post up at least two new ones everyday. Enjoy!))

1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have cool automail?'
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
5. Glue bunny ears to his head.

[Dante]

6. Smile and say you taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when he is demoted, yet again.

[Dante]

11. If you ever need to say 'Like a wet match', be sure to add 'Sort of like, SOMEone we all know.' Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his house late at night.
13. Call him horse face, pony boy and anything else that refers to him being a horse.
14. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese smarter than he is
15. Call him ‘tiger’ and refer to yourself as ‘coach’

[Dante]

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
17. Be obnoxiously cheerful.
18. When he tries to impress you with his alchemic powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Roy-Roy’s got a twiggle!'
19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
20. Roll your eyes during his rants about how he is going to be Fhurer and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

[Dante]

20. Roll your eyes during his rants about how he is going to be Fhurer and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly smashing today.'
22. Fill his desk drawers with horse feed and hay.
23. Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Put whoopee cushions on his chair, tape thumbtacks to his drawer handles and put glue in his gloves. If and when he discovers this and yells at you simply yell “Happy April Fools” and run away.
25. Place buckets of water above his office door.